Gradual Heat

When a frog is put into boiling water, it will jump out. However, if a frog is put into warm water and the heat is gradually turned up, the frog will die in the water.

The frog and water story is an analogy of an abusive relationship. It’s not just about these 16 Days of Activism, it’s also about raising awareness. An abuser doesn’t need to leave bruises to be an abuser.

Abusers use a myriad of tactics to exert their power. These include being dominant in the relationship, or humiliating their partner. This is an attempt to shift the blame to the victim for doing something “wrong.” Abusers also isolate their partner, making the victims feel alone with no on but their abuser to lean on. The greatest weapon in an abuser’s arsenal is their ability to victim blame, and be in denial. In so doing, they make the victim complicit in the crime. But no one is responsible for being abused. No one is to blane for someone else’s decision to dehumanise them. No one should fear the person they’re in love with.

Sometimes, one doesn’t recognise what’s going on as being abusive, so I hope someone will read this and get that lightbulb moment.


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